Relationships like machines, require balance. Power struggles and control issues indicate a lack of balance in a relationship. Power struggles and control issues stem from one or both partners having poorly developed self-control. Over-controlling results from lack of self-control. Control freaks, usually unbeknownst to themselves, attempt to control other people when they feel out of control of themselves. Those that they attempt to control may fight back, realizing that the control freak is trampling on their boundaries. Hence it may appear that a power struggle is ensuing. However, this is not a true power struggle. A true power struggle is when two persons wrestle over control of a neutral person or separate issue, situation.If someone is trying to impose his will on yours and you fight back, the controller probably won't understand. It doesn't matter . You're not being controlling when you take control of your life or something that affects you (living situation, safety, health, home, family, personal space). You're attempting to avoid being controlled and asserting your boundaries. This is healthy behavior. You shouldn't cede control of yourself, what affects you or those you are responsible to (kids, for example).
But it doesn't usually look very pretty. No matter how calmly boundaries are enforced the control freak doesn't like it. She rages, sulks, hits below the belt, tries to intimidate and/or shame her partner back into her web of control. She's not in control of herself. She feels it and panics. She instinctively grasps for something or someone external control. Why? Read more Control Freaks and Power Struggles in Relationships
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